''Pity those who seek for shepherds, instead of longing for freedom! An encounter with the superior energy is open to anyone, but remains far from those who shift responsibility onto others.''
- Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello
I have to admit, I may have been a little on the aggressive side with my last post. To those who read this blog religiously, since I started it so long ago, please forgive me if you're a smoker and I've offended you. I never meant to offend anyone.
However, if you don't like what you're reading, my advice is, don't come back for more, it's likely not to change, because this is my honest opinion. For that, I will never apologize. I think it's important to have the courage to speak your mind.
Nevertheless, I think that the way a message is conveyed, is just as important as the message itself, just like the message itself is usually at the mercy of the messenger. So, I thought it would be a good idea to dedicate a post to the language I use on this medium and the way I think.
A lot of the offence taken from my previous post seemed to have its origins in misunderstandings more than anything else. So, readers were offended because they thought I was comparing smokers to really awful things, like murderers, and wishing negative things towards them... However, I deliberately placed those strong terms at the start to shock people, I wanted your attention and I wanted you to know how urgent it is that we take action. I wanted you to know how fucking pissed off I was - and still am! But, if you read on, you'll see I never actually compare anyone to the worst kinds of people we have in our society. By putting a smoker next in line from a murderer, when listing people who are ''clearly bad'', I am illustrating the discrepancy between the good people I know you truly are (or are capable of being) and the contradicting actions you are taking on a daily basis, which do not represent who you are (or should be) as human beings at all!
Some poor soul posted the following comment on the blog post:
''What a vile thing to say. You should be absloutly disgusted with yourself that you would wish death upon anyone, no matter what your opinion is. Absloutly revolting that you think it's exceptable to post a comment like that. Keep your sick twisted hate thoughts to yourself in future.''
I feel sorry for whoever posted this, because not only do they need to work on their spelling, but they also need to learn how to read. And I mean, really read, because at no point in my previous post did I EVER wish death upon anyone.
Also, hell is a consequence. So, wishing that someone were to go to hell, when they do eventually die (most likely by their own hand, if they continue smoking), is like wishing someone went to jail for committing a crime, and it is a crime to damage your body. You see, I believe we do not own our bodies. We borrow them. They are lent to us by the universe in order for us to live our lives here on Earth. We are charged with taking care of them, and one day, we will have to return them, and we always do. They go back to the ground, with skin and bones, or in ashes, and they replenish the Earth, giving back to a being, a system that is constantly giving to us. I will surely pay, for all the times I drank too much, ate too much (especially all that processed shit), not taken care of myself, you name it... What goes around comes around. It is not revenge, it is not hatred, it is not even justice... It is simply consequence. An action and a reaction, cause and consequence, Karma.
When I read a comment like that, I feel a mixture of feelings... I feel excited that I have stirred enough emotions in someone to bring them to write a comment in the first place, and I feel happy that they are engaging with it. I think that anything that makes us move away from the 'share button', and into the world of processing information, is a good thing! I also feel sad, that the point of my message was completely missed and deformed by the language I used, and that this person only took offence from it, rather than food for thought. To be quite honest, I also feel scared that one day I'll wake up with a gun pointed to my head because someone took something I said profoundly to heart and decided it was best I was silenced for good...
*Silence in the auditorium... We hear the sound of crickets in the evening air.*
So, I understand that it may have been hard to overlook the fact that I used those words in the first place, and thus, the rest of the post was shadowed and distorted by the vocabulary I used. Therefore, not only am I being more careful from now on, but I will also try to use this current post to explain how I think, in order to help with the clarity of future posts.
And by the way, I'm not doing this to avoid offending people in the future. To be honest, I quite enjoy offending people, if what they're doing is really bad, if they are being unfair and if they have too much unfounded ignorance in their minds, due to negligence rather than actual ignorance, in order to make a change. Nevertheless, I intend to achieve a clarity of speech, because having my message successfully delivered is more important to me than using the words that will cathartically remove any frustration from my heart.
Anyway, the first thing you need to know is that I swear a lot...
Right, now that that's out of the way, you should probably also know that I think in tangents.
It takes me ages to edit these into a readable format! If you think they're unclear now - phew - imagine if you read it when it was fresh out of the oven - a mess!
Many people I've met over the years have attributed my tangential thinking to my creativity, a notion I have never contested seeing as it adds much needed fuel to my ever insatiable ego! Hah! Also, I genuinely do perceive my spider web of thoughts when I'm in the process of creating something!
So yeah, I think that the way I think in tangents helps me create things. I draw from various sources in my mind, sometimes from memories recently stored; other times from long term memories I didn't even know I still had! So, when reading something I write, you might notice I go around a long circle, before going back to the point I was making. I only do that, because I believe that all the detours I am taking will help me put my point across more powerfully.
Let's see, what else...
Oh yes, I am not a writer and I have absolutely no idea about what I'm doing. So, please bear with me on that one too, and remember, I most certainly have not picked a style for this blog! You may notice I jump from a friendly tone, using casual language on one paragraph, to a formal style on the next, and then quite suddenly, I might decide to offend everyone and tell them to fuck off!
Most importantly, I use metaphors, I use hyperboles, I like allegories... Think of my blog posts as some kind of big allegory...? Individual, little allegories part of one bigger one... Perhaps. I like messages, I like hidden messages, I like being explicit with what I am saying, but I like nuances (even though they sometimes confuse me when they aren't nuances that I've created), I like shades (even though quite often I am told that I think in black & white), I like sarcasm (even though they say it's the lowest form of wit), I like saying what I mean, by using words and phrases that I don't exactly mean, which in turn serve their own purpose... I like getting your attention, I like making a point, and I love being myself and therefore causing controversy. I love that as much as I love pointing out hypocrisy and fake, purposeless, go-with-the-crow controversy.
I may be wrong. My attitude may be wrong. I may be making a mistake. But, I do think honesty has many merits. Truth and honesty should always come first.
So there you go, I am a crazy motherfucker, there is absolutely no doubt about that, and all those who know me can testify: I stage dived and crowd surfed for the first time on the first Friday of September 2015 at a rock gig - not just any rock gig either - the grimiest, dirtiest, loudest and grungiest, mosh-pitt-destroyed rock gig you will ever find in London on a Friday night! Rock on to the yupicaei motherfuckers!
Ps: I would like to tackle this little section that I wrote in the problematic previous post:
''if you want to smoke, you should have to do it in cold, solitary confinement, and you should die alone in the same way.''
I don't wish death to anyone. If you read that sentence carefully, that's not what it actually says. But, I don't actually wish them to die alone either. That is an example of the hyperboles I was talking about... I kept this sentence as part of the post in the final version, rather than cutting it, as a consequence of frustration, in the heat of the moment. I am sorry for that. My great grand mother died a very painful death because of how much she smoked. We all watched her slowly loose her motor control over her limbs, slowly loose the ability to speak (which is something that defined her personality - she was very communicative), slowly become a vegetable, unrecognisable... Did I wish that upon her? Never! Do I wish that upon anyone who smokes? No, I do not. Do I think she deserved to die the way she did? I don't know... I think the real reason she died the way she did was because of all the chemo, but that's a different story... The point is, by ''our standards'', I don't think she deserved it, because she is a great person and she is very admirable... But, I do think she reaped what she planted in her youth. Anyway, I just want to be clear that I wish the very best to everyone, and I wish that everyone gets what they deserve - I have faith everyone will, because every effort is always paid back, one way or another... I don't think anyone should die alone, and my great grand mother certainly didn't, because she had her family next to her all the way. But, let us not forget, that the only thing we are guaranteed to do in this life, is to die. And, the actual moment of death, is one that we can only live out on our own. Oh, the irony of that statement... No seriously, it is a door we cross by ourselves, and we shouldn't be scared of that, we should be proud of it.